ASSHOLE OF THE WEEK

Enough with your pretentious waddle and man-loving eyes! You were supposed to be dead two weeks ago, you obese bone- smuggling thug! So what gives? My not-so-reliable source (who has never been wrong until now) swore to me that you would not survive yet another week. Yet, you not only survived, you helped put out a fire, you made mad gay monkey love to a GQ model, and even got in some light carpentry between cat naps. And before it was all over, you even whacked some poor innocent schmuck who you rear-ended (no pun intended).
So Vito, here we are once again. A second week has gone by and you've made a complete fool of me by refusing to sleep with the fishes as promised by yours truly. What will it take to end your reign of gay goomba terror and redeem whatever self respect this humiliated columnist has left?
You leave me no choice but to give you one more week. You have just one more week to get whacked or so help me on the soul of Big Pussy I may have to whack you myself! I may be Asshole Of The Week for now. But mark my words, Vito Spatafore, by this time next week the entire Sopranos loving world will be celebrating your long overdue demise...You can waddle, but you can't hide. Especially since there are only three more episodes left.

Desperate Housewives's Eva Longoria tops Maxim's seventh annual "Hot 100" list of the most successful women in film, TV, music, sports and fashion for the second year in a row. But not everybody is in the mood to celebrate.
I recently chatted with Girlfriends star Golden Brooks who isn't so thrilled with the attention Longoria has been getting.
Here's what Brooks had to say when the topic of getting on the cover of magazines came up:
"We get no press! Look at Desperate Housewives. How long have they been on the air? Then look at Eva Longoria. That girl has four movies in the can and a national ad campaign with Loreal! The cast is on the cover of every magazine! [YELLS] Girlfriends has been on the air for six years! I've done movies but nothing on the level of the Desperate Housewives cast! The cast of Girlfriends has never gotten any kind of press like that! We never have. UPN was on the verge of not even being a network when we came there. We're still under the old regime at UPN. Look at the Chris Rock Show! Had Girlfriends come on today we would be all over the place. Now, they feel they don't need any press for us. So all the girls on the show have to work very hard to get their own press. Out of nothing we made the show something. It was all word of mouth. We changed the image at UPN."
Now, now, can't we all get along?